Swimming in the Sea
by ChaosLydia
Summary: A series of vignettes of troubles between Kisa and Yukina. Prompt from the livejournal group


**This is from the Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi livejournal group. It was a prompt by Mysty (you probably saw it if you frequent the group). You're only supposed to pick 5 songs but I went for ten. It's one of those hit shuffle on your MP3 player and take the first songs that come up. I rearranged the order to make the plot a little bit easier to write. **

**The first band is a local band from my hometown. They're fantastic. You can hear the song at http:/ shookfoil. bandcamp. com/ (connect the spaces). **

**By far the hardest song to write for was **_**Help is on the Way.**_** Something that was written in response to hurricane Katrina is hard to translate to Kisa and Yukina's relationship. I thought about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, but where it is in the story, it wasn't the direction I wanted to go in. **

**In some sections, I incorporated the lyrics right into the passage (so I do not own the lyrics I used right in the writing). So it some parts sound different and stylized from my writing, that's why. I'm also not used to writing microfiction so these passages should in theory stand alone... but they don't. I also tried to match the tone and mood of each passage with the song and style of music. Hopefully I succeeded. **

**Enjoy this oneshot! It's my first real fanfic that's not Hetalia.**

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><p><em><strong>Swimming in the Sea- Shook Foil<strong>_

Kisa rested his chin on his desk and glared at his computer. One of his authors was getting a second printing, but it still wasn't enough to beat Takano's sales for the month. The editor-in-chief's grip over sales was just too strong. The other editors were just as competitive. Since Onodera started, his authors have risen in the charts to be some of the top selling books in the last quarter. Hatori's best author Yoshikawa Chiharu's work was in the process of becoming an anime. And Mino? Who actually knew what went on in the brain of that optimistic guy, but he still had a job which meant he wasn't bad.

Sitting up, Kisa looked across the office. Editors from the other genre's pushed through their day. Some were reaching the end of the cycle; others were refreshed with the beginning of theirs. Every person was capable of their job, but very few excelled. Kisa wasn't one of those people.

His phone beeped. It was a text message from Yukina reminding him of their date that night. Heat seeped into Kisa's ears as he quickly pocketed his phone. That boy... He made Kisa feel like he wasn't just another fish in a sea of mediocrity.

_**Light My Candle- RENT**_

"Kisa!" Yukina pointed to the new shop. "Look, a candle store! Let's go in!"

"I didn't think you would like something so girly as candles," the older man wrinkled his nose as every scent in the store hit him at once. "It stinks in here. I'm going to get a headache from this."

Yukina glanced over a box of tea light candles, "Is it really that girly? We're still having power outages on occasion. It's practical first and makes my apartment smell good second." He smirked to his boyfriend, "You never know when there will be a typhoon or earthquake. It's good to be prepared."

"I guess," Kisa sauntered down an aisle not really observing the labels. Between the cream candles, deep chocolate eyes appeared on the other side. Yukina once again made Kisa smitten with him. They watched each other as they strolled, Kisa glancing away a few times from embarrassment.

As they rounded the endcap, Yukina shimmered in his boyfriend's eyes. He held out a candle in the shape of a heart, "Got a match?"

"Idiot!"

_**Minas Tirith- Lord of the Rings soundtrack**_

It was a place Kisa rarely ventured into...the video rental store. Because of work, there was never time to rent movies. He only had tonight off, and there were plenty of television shows recorded back home. But he was in the mood for a movie. Yukina mentioned working on a project tonight so they couldn't cuddle on the couch.

"Damn," Kisa ran a hand through his hair. "I sound like I'm 21 again." Turning the corner, he looked over the DVDs noting some of the animes. There were only a few from Marukawa, but other companies were just as competitive. None of his work was here. Only Takano's stood out...of course. He rolled his eyes and turned down another aisle.

"Oh?" he noticed some of the imported films. "Lord of the Rings? I haven't seen that in years. The books were better if you like that sort of thing." He scrunched his eyebrows. Who was he talking to? He had to get out of there. It would probably be better to turn in early for the night.

As he headed towards the door, he saw them. Yukina passed by the front window with a girl. They looked friendly as they laughed together. Then, they were gone and out of his sight. Not again. This couldn't happen again. The last time Kisa saw this exact situation, the woman ended up being Yukina's friend from college. This had to be one of those mistakes.

But Yukina told him earlier about his project. It was for a big percentage of his grade. Did Kisa mishear him? Was it actually due tomorrow? Was Yukina actually avoiding him to see a woman? Kisa frowned. Why wouldn't he? There was nothing remarkable about him. Maybe Yukina finally realized that.

Something wasn't right.

He tore out of the store heading in the direction he saw them. Where did they go? Why wasn't Kisa taller! There they were ducking into some department store together. He pushed through the crowd until he stormed into building. For a few moments he lost sight of them. Maybe Kisa should get used to wearing pumps. It worked for ladies. What was he saying!

Yukina and the girl were ahead of him riding up the escalator. Kisa was going to confront them right now. But as they laughed together, the girl looped her arm into Yukina's. They looked so natural together, so right, so much like a_ straight_ couple.

Kisa's body wouldn't move. It took no steps after them. He couldn't do this anymore. This worrying was bad for his heath. Maybe this was Yukina's clear message that they weren't right together.

_**Under your Spell/Standing (Reprise)- Buffy the Vampire Slayer the Musical**_

"_Believe me I don't want to go. It'll grieve me because I love you so... _

_Wish I could trust that it was just this once but I must do what I must._

_I can't adjust to this disgust._

_We're done! And I just wish I could stay._

_Wish I could stay."_

Kisa stared at his phone as it rested beside his work computer. Thoughts of how the woman touched his Yukina rolled around in his mind. Was he making too much of a deal about this? More than anything, Kisa prayed he was. He was under that young man's spell. Just the thought of Yukina's fingers running over his body made all other ideas freeze in his mind. Yukina's voice would vibrate in Kisa's chest. His scent intoxicated him. Mostly, that beautiful face sparkled when he smiled. As much as Kisa pretended to hate the glittery nature of the young man, he secret loved it. Yukina could light up any room he entered with that grin.

But he knew that Kisa had little to no self confidence. He knew that other more beautiful men and women intimated Kisa. Why would he be out with a woman? Maybe Yukina wanted to see if he could still date women?

The worst part was Kisa's lack of trust in his boyfriend. He always had trust issues. He should just let Yukina go. There was no use to let the poor young man waste his time with some old homo when Yukina could be with women his age.

Picking up his phone, it buzzed suddenly in his hand. It was Yukina with the 52nd text message in the last two days.

The text asked if they could meet that night. Kisa knew he should say no then block his number. But the deep hope that maybe Yukina truly loved him kept this old man from that. Begrudgingly, texted him back to meet at the usual spot at nine. Kisa quickly shut off his phone but bit his lip. What was he going to actually say to Yukina? He had an hour before he could leave to think it over.

"Kisa!" Takano's voice broke through his thoughts. "Yokozawa wants all the editors to meet with him."

"Right now?" Kisa realized his voice sounded far away.

"We're discussing next quarter's sales and what goals we're striving to make," Takano slung his bag over his shoulder. "Bring what you need."

Yokozawa's meetings were usually short. But if he took too much time, would Yukina wait for him? Would he even come in the first place? As he stepped on the elevator with the rest of his coworkers, he figured the universe was probably sending him the clearest message. Yukina and he weren't meant to be.

_**Help is on the Way- Rise Against **_

Yukina sprinted through the streets to the cafe he first kissed Kisa. Lights blurred together as he overlooked crosswalk signals. He ignored the blowing car horns. He disregarded the people screaming for him to slow down. Nothing else was important except his Kisa finally sent a text back.

He knew Kisa's work kept him busy. But at least he would return texts fairly quickly. Some nights, he would give Yukina quick call during his dinner break (if he had time to eat). But the last two days something happened. Kisa didn't return a single call, text, or email. He didn't stop in the bookstore to see Yukina. His boyfriend suddenly vanished. Yukina originally thought to go to Kisa's house, but it didn't feel like the right move.

He dashed between a couple accidentally snapping their hands apart. Calling back his apologies, he prayed that Kisa and his relationship didn't break that easily. His older boyfriend might not think much of himself, but he was Yukina's world. The two goals Yukina wanted in life were to become a famous painter and to marry Kisa Shota. Even if they had to fly to America or England or where ever they allowed same sex partnerships. Even if he had to give up art and never paint again, Kisa was worth it.

The cafe loomed in his view as he slowed to catch his breath. He wanted to be a little early. Kisa's schedule fluctuated so much there was a chance he would be there early. But after scanning inside, there were no signs of his boyfriend. Yukina flopped on a bench outside the cafe and waited.

Yukina was told just to sit tight, because his Kisa would soon arrive. But he never came. He never came. He never came.

Yukina glanced at his phone. It read 10:32 p.m. Where was he? Was Kisa running away from their relationship again? Did Yukina mess up somehow and Kisa was blaming himself?

"No," he stood up and sped off towards Marukawa. "No! Kisa, I won't let you go. I'm on the way. You're not getting away this time."

_**Overcome- Live**_

That meeting sucked! Kisa's bag felt heavier on his shoulder. The entire time Yokozawa harped on how great Takano's sales were and how they should strive higher. To make it worse, Kisa didn't do too great last quarter. His sales barely changed while the other editors excelled. He wasn't as bad as other people in different departments, but he needed to push this coming quarter.

Stepping out of the elevator with the other Emerald editors, Kisa glanced at the lobby clock. It was 10:45. He was way too late to meet Yukina. He probably got the message that Kisa wasn't coming. He was probably already home shagging that girl. It was over. Their relationship had ended the moment Takano commanded him into the meeting.

Anger and deep grief welled up inside him as it overcame any hopes to be with Yukina. There was no going back now. Gripping his bag, he fought off the burning in his eyes. Takano—not just him—this fucking job ruined the one positive aspect in his life. But tomorrow, he would wake up and come back. Once more he was another fish in the sea.

"Kisa-san?" Onodera lightly touched his arm. "You don't look so good. I know that Yokozawa was tough on you tonight-"

His voice broke, "I'm just... tired. So tired..."

Takano lead them into the chilled night air and lit a cigarette, "You know better to let anything Yokozawa said go to heart. Brush it off."

Kisa wanted to scream at this man. Tell him to fuck off. Tell this whelp that was younger than him that he was terrible at his job. But that would be lying. Takano saved the magazine along with Kisa's job in less than a year. But it didn't shake the overwhelming sadness knowing he would never hear Yukina's voice again. He gave up his first love for a job.

"KISA!"

He turned and gasped. Sprinting towards them was the one person who mattered most at this moment. Yukina's face flushed red from running and anger. His eyes grew dark, but his body gave out. He stopped in front of the group and squatted to catch his breath.

Kisa shot a glance over his shoulder. His coworkers shared confused scrunched eyebrows and slightly opened mouths. This was bad. Kisa never wanted his work to mingle with his personal life. No one knew he was gay other than the men he was with. Would he get fired for something like this?

"Y-Yukina, you have to-"

Yukina sprung up and slapped him across the face, "No! You will listen to me for once!"

"Oi!" Takano gripped Yukina's arm and yanked him back. "You can't assault our employees like that! I don't care who you are. Go!"

Kisa stumbled back barely recognizing Hatori and Onodera steadying him. His face seared from both the hit and the embarrassment.

Yukina ripped his arm back, "Pardon me, but I must have a word with this man."

"I cannot let you hit one of my editors."

Kisa couldn't find his voice, "Y-yukina..."

Yukina fully faced the editor-in-chief, "I will not ask you again. Please leave!"

Takano took off his glasses and tossed them to Mino, "I don't think you heard me, kid. You're causing a scene in front of my company with one of my employees. I will have you arrested if you don't leave."

"I just need to speak to Kisa!"

"Kou!" Kisa screamed and snatched his boyfriend's arm. "Stop it. Can't you see these are my coworkers? Please! Just stop it!" His heart throbbed in his ears. The realization his coworkers watch made it worse.

"I'm sorry, Kisa-san," Yukina snagged his hand and ran. Kisa ran too, unable to force himself to stop. He disregarded their calls for him. He ignored whoever watched. All that mattered was that Yukina held his hand, and they left together. Turning a corner, somehow they reached the park. The leaves whirled around them crunching under their feet. He slipped and fell into his lover as Yukina hugged him close. They gasped for air together in the hidden trees. The city's noises ebbed within their knoll.

Yukina gripped his shoulders, "I'm sorry, Shota. I didn't think about your friends being there."

"They're not really my friends!" Kisa did not hold back from screaming. "My coworkers! My workplace! It isn't a place you should be. Why? Why did you come! Don't you get it? It's over!"

"No, I don't," Yukina shook his head while his eyes softened. "Why is it over? Why didn't you meet me?"

"I got pulled into a meeting last minute. I was about to...call you."

"You're lying. You had no urge to call. Why!"

Kisa flinched. This was too much. He didn't want this anymore. Not only was he a terrible editor according to everyone at Marukawa, he now had to explain how he was inferior to some girl. Overcome. It was too much.

Falling to his knees, he slapped the grass and wailed. He wouldn't hold back any more. Slap after slap, he beat the grass as the tears streamed down his face. Only once did he glance up. Yukina's eyes were wider than the moon rising behind him. Kisa covered his face and sobbed.

Yukina pulled his lover into his arms and held him close.

_**Not Alone- A Very Potter Musical**_

"Thanks," Kisa muttered accepting the hot chocolate from Yukina. Yep, it tasted like convenience store crap. "You really didn't have to get this for me."

"Yes, I did," he sat on the park bench beside him. "Are you going to tell me what happened? What I apparently did to make you want to break up with me?"

Kisa took a lingering sip and grimaced at the heat scolding his throat, "Did you really have a project due the other day?"

"Yeah, it was a big one. Though I got a good critique on it, it still wasn't my best work."

"Did you go out at all that night?"

Yukina's face lit up connecting the dots, "You saw me with a girl didn't you?"

He nodded not meeting the young man's eyes.

"That's a friend of mine from school. She called me up, and we were both running low on supplies. We went out to get some, because I didn't want her walking alone at night."

Just like last time. Kisa sighed, "So why the department store?"

"Were you following me?"

"I was in the video store across the street."

Yukina shrugged, "She saw online they were having a sale on art supplies. Plus, it's good to take breaks while working. I was getting a bit of cabin fever. Was that it? Just like last time?"

"Shut up," Kisa tugged his coat tighter. Yukina draped an arm around his shoulder. He couldn't help snuggling into his side. "That was part of it. But also, I've had a terrible run at work the last quarter. I'm just getting by. I'm drifting in this massive sea. Even if I push to be better, there's no guarantee that I'll succeed."

"You're not alone," Yukina whispered to him. "I'll tell you a secret. I feel like that sometimes. I'm working retail day in and out. Honestly, the books you edited got me through it sometimes. Granted I didn't know it was yours at the time. But that's part of life. Baby, you're not alone." He stroked a piece of hair from Kisa's eyes. "I bet even that Takano guy you always complain about has moments like that. But I know you're great."

"How do you know?" Kisa blushed lightly.

"I fell in love with your work before I loved you," Yukina kissed his forehead. "Also, those men were willing to fight me to make sure you were safe. You're something precious to them. I think my boss would let me get my butt kicked."

Kisa snickered and leaned on him more, "You really feel mediocre sometimes."

"A lot. But you make me feel special, Shota. I used to feel like I was surround by this darkness of fake people. I saw how heartless the world could be through both my eyes and yours." He held Kisa back and gazed into his eyes, "But I promise you now, I will do my best to make you see that you're not alone. You will never be alone 'cause you're here with me. Nothing can keep me from loving you."

"God, you're like a freaking shojo manga character," Kisa pushed his face away to hide his own pink cheeks. He loved this man. Maybe it was time to actually tell him.

Soon. He would tell him soon.

Yukina kissed his hand and smirked, "You should call your coworkers so they don't think I kidnapped you. I really don't feel like going to jail tonight."

"Alright, I'll call them on the way to your place. You can light your new candles you got."

_**Firework- Katy Perry**_

Every move Kisa made on top of him was perfect. Yukina's voice caught in his throat as his lover lowered himself down. He could never figure out how Kisa was so hot on the inside. But he adored this unique man; this adorable, stubborn, beautiful man who allowed someone like Yukina to come into his life. He would never let Kisa go.

Yukina bucked up searching desperately for that place to make his dear heart cry for him. Heat flashed through his body. Colors exploded in his vision with each thrust.

"Kou!" Kisa gripped the sheets on either side of Yukina's head. "Fuck, it's so good!"

"Because you're so perfect, Shota!" Yukina grasped Kisa's hips. "You cannot be replaced."

"Shut up!" Kisa snatched a pillow and smacked his face.

Yukina caught his hand and leaned in, "I won't go on until you listen to me. You're special. It's always been inside you. You're my love, my precious one. Understand? I love you."

Kisa's face flushed, but a small grin trickled across his face, "Yeah, me too."

_**Spice Up Your Life- Spice Girls**_

"I might be too old for this, but I'm going to push myself a little bit more," Kisa laid on his stomach. Both of them were still naked, but he didn't mind. He loved watching Yukina make late night snacks with no clothes on. "I have to do better. But that means it might be a little harder to see you."

Yukina pressed buttons on the rice cooker before flopping beside him, "You know I'll wait. I understand your work is tough. Don't worry about me."

Kisa twitched his mouth, "You could protest more about it."

"Oh no, Kisa-san!" he flung a hand over his eyes speaking very overdramatically. "We will not see each other for adult, responsible reasons! What will we do? I shall die if I am not by your side at every waking moment!"

"Shut up!"

"You're so cute," Yukina wrapped his arms around his waist. "Hey, I was wondering. Do you want to try something new next time? Spice things up a bit?'

"I sucked this time didn't I?"

"No, no, no! It's not that!" Yukina scooted around to face him. "Healthy couples try new things, right? Actually I really don't know, but it makes sense."

Kisa glowered at him. Was this guy for real? It sounded like he pulled that line from some girlie magazine. But Kisa would play along, "What do you want to try?"

"I want to see what it's like with you on top. I want you inside me."

He had no response. He had never even imagined Yukina on bottom or would think he would want that. Flushing a deep crimson shade, Kisa grabbed the pillow once more and slapped him with it, "You're such an idiot!"

Yukina laughed and pulled him close.

Kisa couldn't say no to that face, "Maybe. We'll see."

_**I Believe in a Thing Called Love- The Darkness **_

Kisa tried not to meet the eyes of the other editor's as he drug himself into work. He had gotten a hold of Onodera the night before and assured them he was fine. But it didn't stop them from stealing small glances at him. Luckily, the greatest bane of Kisa's existence hadn't come in yet.

"Oi!" Takano's voice rang out behind him.

_Fuck!_

Kisa spun in his chair just as Takano slapped him across the head with a rolled up magazine.

Pushing up his glasses, the editor-in-chief glared at him, "It's not my place to ask questions, but you will have repercussions if something like last night happens again. Keep your private life out of your work!"

"Yes sir. I'm sorry for the trouble," Kisa's shoulders drooped. Maybe being more proactive towards editing would be harder than he thought.

To his surprise, Takano's gaze softened into an odd smile, "I am glad you're okay. I would hate to go through the trouble of finding an editor like you." Turning away, he slapped Onodera across the head and barked an order.

"Did he just... complement me?" Kisa watched the editor-in-chief a few more moments in confusion. Turning back to his desk, he smirked. Maybe he could do this. With Yukina's support, he could push through anything. Was this love? He wasn't sure, but it did make him a bit more confident in his abilities.

His phone buzzed and he glanced at the text message:

'_I love you, Shota. I can't explain all these feelings you're making me feel. I want to kiss you every minute, every hour, every day.'_

Kisa bit his lip to keep from smiling and wrote back:

'_Me too, you shojo idiot.'_

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><p><strong>Please Read and Review<strong>

**(I did a light editing of this piece. Sorry if there are tons of mistakes!)**


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